I recently visited a close friend in Rwanda. She’s been living and working in Kigali for 3 years, and has built up a network of both local and expat friends. She’s German, works for a German organization and has several German friends. When we arrived, she kindly invited my partner and I to join a group of her German mates on a weekend trip to Nyungwe Forest where the chimps live in the Southwest of the country, an opportunity neither of us wanted to miss.
There were 7 of us, and we drove to the forest in their cars, stayed one night on the way in a friend’s house, who prepared a wonderful barbecue dinner of beef and goat and prepared breakfast the following morning. We were so delighted to be their guests, we later bought everyone drinks at a hotel we visited. I’m sure that at some point, we offered to contribute money towards gas, but the offer was brushed off – “we’ll figure it out later.”
A week later, just as we were leaving Rwanda, we received an itemized matrix outlining what all 7 of us owed to cover the cost of the excursion: food, drink, gas and any other collective expenditure. The entirety of the bill demonstrated a complex, thoughtful calculation (part of the equation was paying entrance to the park for one of the friends as a birthday present, part of it factored in the non-participation of an eighth friend who only joined us for part of the way).
Immediately, our reaction as Americans was, “Whoa, wait a minute. Is this for real? Did someone really keep track of everything and spent their time putting this onerous thing together?” The precise calculation of everything owed, down to the penny, is something an American would easily interpret as a stingy move, especially considering this was between friends and friends of friends. We were bewildered by the precision and energy put into the “invoice”.
We were so grateful to have been invited along that we were happy to contribute, but no one had mentioned this is how it worked, which is often the case with culture. What is “normal” to one person is abnormal to another. To be completely honest, receiving a long-winded, itemized bill was off-putting. However, being half-German myself, I understood the intent and cultural background to this practice.
Fairness, equality and accountability all play into this cultural norm. Orderliness is a central theme of the German culture. “Alles in ordnung?” (literally, “is everything in order?”) is a common expression used to ask if everything is alright. Making sure that everything is in its place and adhering to accepted, efficient processes plays into this.
You experience this when you settle your check at restaurants in Germany where the first waiter’s first question is always, “Do you want to pay together or separately?” Bezahlen sie zusammen oder getrennt? If you choose to pay separately, it’s the waiter’s duty to go around the table and settle each person’s account individually based on exactly what they consumed. I’ve never seen this in any other part of the world. In the US, for example, you can certainly request separate bills (beware: the waiter might get irritated), but many people would prefer to split evenly, however unfair or inefficient it would be (see this interesting study on the matter in the Economic Journal). More often than not, one person would elect to pay the entire bill, silently expecting someone else to do the same on the next occasion.
In any case, I wasn’t able to ask the creator of the invoice more about how often this happens – we had to catch a flight to Nairobi. My friend told me this was pretty customary. Seeing our reaction to this event, she smiled and said, “You know what, I think you Americans are more generous than Germans.”
Sean
RW3 CultureWizard
