Indirectness As Seen through the Eyes of a Direct Communicator
The 7 Ways an Indian Programmer Says No made me chuckle because of its broad applicability.
Indirect communication is common in Asia, the Middle East, Latin / South America and many Mediterranean and African countries. Direct communication is the norm in Western Europe, the US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and other parts typically considered “The West”.
People from direct communication cultures strive to quickly relate information with great clarity when conversing, so as to not waste the listener’s time – a precious commodity valued by many direct communication cultures. Individuals from indirect communication cultures strive to maintain the honor and face of both the speaker and listener. Therefore, the speaker says what s/he thinks the listener wants to hear, even if this is not the unadulterated truth. Such face-saving is considered kind, polite and respectful.
This can be confusing for those of us who are direct communicators because we expect communication to be clear and precise, where what is said is what is meant. For direct communicators, their word is their bond.
Indirect communication relies on context, particularly eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language rather than the spoken word. By paying attention to non-verbal language, listeners can decipher the true message. If you come from a direct culture, it may take time to understand the nuances of indirect communication where what is not said can be as important as what is said. People from direct cultures must learn to listen hard to avoid missing the subtleties. They may also need to temper their speech pattern to not appear overly blunt and rude.
Clues to help you decipher indirect communication:
• In Azerbaijan, people apologize for saying no to a request. They may add phrases such as “I wish it were possible”, “If it were possible I would do it” or “In the future it may be possible.”
• Be on the lookout for the word “maybe” because it can be used to make a direct statement indirect. Rather than tell me this blog needs to be edited, a Chinese publisher might say, “Maybe this blog should be edited.”
• If you hear phrases such as “I will see”, “I will try” or “It may be difficult,” you’ve probably been given a negative response.
• If there is a long pause or other non-verbal cues such as avoiding the eyes or evasive responses, you’ve probably just been told no.
• Rather than accept assurances or agreements on face value, ask for specifics. It can be difficult to get definite answers to questions if the response would be negative. Therefore, watch for evasions or half statements.
There are times when bad news must be given. That’s not a problem to the direct communicator, but presents a real challenge to the indirect communicator. In many Asian countries, bad news is handled by a third-party so that both sides can retain face. Negative questions are another interesting quirk of indirect communication since the response may differ depending upon which language is used.
• In response to the question “Isn’t this document ready?”, the English response would be “no”, meaning the document is not ready, while the Japanese response would be “yes”, meaning “yes, the document is not ready.”
• Russians often ask negative questions such as “Did you not know?”, so that the person responding may give a positive response to indicate a negative answer.
If you are from a culture with a more direct communication style, you may need to train your ear and mind to catch indirectness before responding to questions, or else your response may confuse the listener.
How do you ensure you’re getting the correct answer?
• Ask open-ended questions and ask the same question several ways (re-phrase) to make certain you understood the response.
• Learn to phrase questions so that the desired response is not obvious. Instead of asking, “Will the report be finished by Friday?” you might ask, “When will the report be finished?”
For those of us who have been raised in direct cultures, it is important that we learn to understand the signals we receive from indirect communicators. Otherwise, we create our own baffling towers of Babel.
Carrie
RW3 CultureWizard
