Change is never easy, especially for teenagers. Helping your teenager adjust to being on assignment might look very different depending your child’s age, temperament, how many times they moved in their lifetime, and whether this is their first time living abroad. The information below is intended for parents of adolescents.
Ensure predictability.
Children of all ages respond well to predictability and consistency. As much as possible, let them know what to expect regarding their routines and schedules. Then, keep these as consistent as possible to increase familiarity. For example, create a calendar that you share with your teen so he/she knows what to expect each day. Teens can feel out of control when life is unpredictable and this will make adjusting to their new life much more difficult.
Allow for autonomy.
Teenagers want to be autonomous and treated like adults. Just as they wanted to be included in the planning of going on assignment, they will want to be involved in creating their new life. Whenever possible, ask them their opinions about things. For example, ask your adolescent child if he/she wants to play soccer or have a tutor after school. Just because your teenager wanted to do something in your home country, doesn’t mean they’ll want to do it while on assignment. Try to strike a balance between encouraging them to get involved in things and allowing them to make decisions for themselves. For example, you can let your child know that you’d like him/her or to pick one after school activity to participate in, but that you understand it might take a few weeks to make that decision.
Ease the transition.
Help your child by easing them into their new life as much as possible. Rather than throwing them in the deep end, take extra steps when possible to help them gradually become exposed to aspects of their new life that they might find challenging. Think about what might be most challenging for your child and engage them in a conversation about it. You can simply ask, “What are you most nervous about in our new life?” or “I’m wondering what feels least familiar to you.”
Stay away from starting many new things at one time. You may be tempted to fill up their schedules and keep your teenager busy with activities after school and on weekends. Start out with school and then slowly (perhaps after 1-2 weeks) add in activities that they are interested in.
Stay connected to home.
Friends are very important to most teens. Allow and encourage your teenager to stay in touch with their friends from home. Of course, it’s important to balance this with helping them engage in life on assignment. Be clear with your rules and expectations about time spent on social media or talking to friends back home (i.e. texting, FaceTiming, etc.), but consider being more lenient at first during the transition.
Don’t forget:
- Think about how your teen usually responds to change
- Ensure predictability in your teen’s life
- Create schedules and a calendar for your teenager
- Try to ease your teenager into life on assignment
- Don’t add new activities all at one time
- Expect them to have some difficulties at firstx
Dr. Solomon received her Psy.D. from the PGSP-Stanford Psy.D. Consortium. She received specialized training in child and family clinical psychology.
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